浴火 重生

传说中，凤凰是人世间幸福的使者。每五百年，它就要背负着积累于人世间的所有不快和仇恨恩怨，投身于熊熊烈火中自焚，以生命和美丽的终结换取认识的祥和和幸福。同样在肉体经受了巨大痛苦和轮回后，它们才得以以更美好的躯体重生。

凤凰，用火焰的洗礼换取新生。而我，能不能用失败的洗礼换取成长？

对于辩论，我有自己的执著。对于辩论，我也总是少了那么一点天分。反驳总是不够尖锐、言辞总是不够犀利、呈献总是没有感情、说话总是拿不到彩、总结总是缺乏全局观…

终于有那么一次，我的总结成了断送一场比赛胜利的关键，我知道什么是他妈的，什么是不争气，什么是功亏一篑，什么是眼泪只能滴在别人看不到的地方…

从一个只会把前三位辩手的稿件做长文缩短的中学生总结，到一个不做长文缩短但脱稿结又不成功的大学生总结。我的进度似乎比谁都慢，我的表现似乎比谁都不稳定；但我似乎又比谁都幸运地，可以常在自己的“梦幻球队里，在球场上踢着不怎么好的球”。终于，在重要的比赛射歪了最重要的一粒球，擦过对方的龙门，控球权在最后一刻回到对方脚上…

失败的挫折，不好尝。面对自身能力差的现实，更难受。最可怕的是，当别人都在向前进，我还依然故我。

我很努力的让自己不难过，然后把眼泪悔恨痛苦都留给这一篇文字。痛心自己的失误，对不起大家；痛心自己的停滞，对不起自己。

这一次的悔恨，我要把它变成火焰。

我要 浴火 重生。

tomorrow will be our day

Preparing for over 50 days, 500 hours.. Now we almost arrive at the typical moment.

Tomorrow will be our day. A day of joy, or a day of…?

I’m excited, nervous, anxiuos..joyful? So eagerly, wanted tomorrow to come faster, at the same time so nervous to face it.. yeah~ Very complex..

We are here. And we will get there..

Wish me Good Luck

I read some blogs, written by some frens. May said as expected, most of us, who love debate, have our own doubts and uncertainties on it. Sometimes we were staggered, by our unconfident and inferiority, and maybe by others’ words or critisms..

I might be one among those who are lucky, whom had been given chance to stand on stage, from the beginning. I might also be the one who really useless, either being stagnant, or getting poorer and worser..

But no matter how and what, I still need to appreciate and do my best. Am I right? There will be no point on who is better, who is right.. Only left with the ultimate goal and the dream that is chasing along the path.

This Sunday, my battle start, our war begin. I am not sure how far had we gone until now. Yet I do wish I can perform my best.

So that I won’t dissapoint anyone, so that I won’t let myself down.

Wish me good luck. I need a lot of them..

哈哈

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！

笑可以掩饰难过吗？如果可以，请告诉我要笑多少才够。我会努力笑出来。

呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜……

哭可以治疗伤痕吗？不可以，成人的世界不允许任意。我会努力不掉眼泪。

我以为，这就是我所追求的世界。然而横冲直撞只换来一身伤痕与不堪。请相信我是一个奸诈邪恶的人吧。我宁愿我是。这个世界在我眼中，才会充满利益和凶残，才能符合嗜血的本性。多好！

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！

How can be a STAR?

How can be a star? On the debate stage..

The battle is near, and I’m starting to be anxious. People won’t feel comfortable when they realize they are stagnant and standstill, without improvement, and I really feel uncomfortable for myself. For me, Asia Pacific Debate is a challenge, maybe an only international arena for me too. Yet I’m very nervous, because I’m still not good enough. From a year ago, till now.

And sometimes I get more fed up, when the satyriasis mumbling negative words beside me. ( I know u are reading sometimes, so I write this purposely =P ) I know it is for my own good, I know u mean to help, and I know I must regconize my good and bad in order to improve, but what happen if I tell u that I am getting lost?! Especially about the position that I am most get used to? I love the position which I play now, but it is really horrible to find out that I have no confidence to master this position, compare to last time.. So what shall I going to do now? How I wish this is only a turning point to grow up.. But damn it why there are so many "turning-point" in life?!

I agree with opinion saying that a team with a "super-star-debater" have higher chance to win. Do we have one?

I wish I can be one. But like u all say, I really not good enough..

How can be a star?

流~浪

你尝试过流浪的滋味吗？孤单和寂寞，不懂得家在何方，不晓得去向哪里，擦肩而过的每一个人都是生命的过客、陌生的旅人，现在做着的每一件事情都无关未来的计划，只为活在当下…

现在的我，好像如此。

一个旅行的袋子，一些用品加衣服，从一间家去到另一间家，从一个地方去向另一个地方。好不容易搬了新家，却住不到3天；好不容易等到了假期，却回不了家…

天知道，我喜欢往外跑却也喜欢呆在家的感觉；天知道，我是爱玩却也恋家的一个人。以前不懂，以为流浪很甜美，所以一直渴望着更宽的世界。现在明白，原来家始终会让人怀念的。而我目前选择的未来，是一个不大，却隔离的世界；不小，却流浪的地球，名字叫辩论。

一直很喜欢一首陈绮贞的歌：《旅行的意义》。因为歌名很美，因为歌曲很轻，因为歌词很感性。让我们假设人生是场旅行，在旅途中我们经历许多风景、接触许多面孔，这一切的意义究竟是什么？就好像，对于我来说：现在辩论是为了什么？找寻被爱的感觉是为了什么？努力去爱自己是为了什么？我始终不了解。知道爱辩论，知道要圆梦，知道即便时间重来，我必然会做回同样的选择，但不知道是为了什么。

人生当中，谁可以给出一个旅行的意义？大概哲学家再争论几个世纪都很难给答案吧？不过这不重要，重要的是旅途开不开心呀。很幸运地，辩论队里的朋友和教练，让我在流浪的过程中，至少多了很多欢乐，至少有个不悲伤的环境。

辩论，让我学会流浪，拓展视野。

然而，我依然眷恋，家的感觉。

星期二的约会

每个星期二，你习惯约谁出去，去哪里呢？一个晚餐？一部电影？一次星巴克？

在最近筹备辩论的日子中，大家好像不小心养成了一个“星期二约会”的习惯。约会的对象是个老公公，名字缩写是“KFC”。

对快餐有研究的朋友大概都懂，KFC’s snack plate和dinner plate的Combo Set每逢星期二都会有30%的折扣。于是，每个今天，几乎每间KFC分店都会挤满人潮…

在这个下着大雨的傍晚，我们还是风雨无阻地赴约了。KFC每逢星期二的生意额，大概就被很多像我们这般，即贪小便宜又贪吃的肉食动物给带旺的。呵呵…明明知道鸡肉市场价不太贵，店里分明把价钱有意无意地“炸高”，但还是心甘情愿地上钓，把钱乖乖奉上。

下一个星期二，还要不要赴这个约定呢？我心里突然有些挣扎……

想到最近去了一趟居林，有个一段日子没见的uncle，不客气地说我胖了…虽然20年前就说要减肥，但因为对肥瘦实在没什么介意，所以也没有真的减成。不过当不只一个人说我在向横发展时，我是不是该检讨了呢？

=P

任性的孩子

我是一个任性的孩子，我想涂去一切不幸；我想在大地上，画满窗子，让所有习惯黑暗的眼睛，都习惯光明。

我希望，能在心爱的白纸上画画；画出笨拙的自由；画下一只，永远不会流泪的眼睛……

-顾城-

————————————————————————————–

如果我可以是任性的孩子，我可不可以不顾一切，只为自己的快乐？如果我还能是任性的孩子，我可不可以不理会别人，想哭就哭？如果我永远都是任性的孩子，我只想为人生涂上快乐和幸福的色彩，遗忘悲伤，舍弃难过。像《三月里的幸福饼》的那句话：祝你永远不要悲伤。

可是我不是任性的孩子。朋友的生日让我想到，我们都到了要长大的时候，都到了要懂事的时候…

所以悄悄地，我对自己低喃：是时候长大了；是时候习惯孤单了；是时候学会坚强了…

我不应该是任性的孩子，虽然我希望我自己是…

Coming back from Kulim

A trip to Kulim, a trip for a vacation that need to work a lot and spend energy, a trip that refresh me about the meaning of debate, the reason why I love debate.

They are so good. All the secondary school debaters, working hard to fight for their dreams. Please cheer for them. Although some cant make themselves to the final, some cant achieve championship; but they are too excellent, till they worth to have all my applause.

Me too, on the way of chasing dream. But what had made me not even as good as them, and shame to say i maybe worse than them?

When am I going to grow up? In my life, in debate?

Thanks all little girls( I am little girl too, hehe ) and boys, for letting me to enjoy such a wonderful performace of bian lun.

Tomorrow, will be my turn to work hard again. Like what u all had done in past few weeks..

Gambate, every dearest friends of mine who love debate.